Babies in movies and on TV are often depicted as soundly sleeping, calm little blobs of cuteness. This can be disorienting for a parent who is bringing home their first real live baby, who might actually be quite difficult to soothe and averse to sleep. Babies are adjusting to life outside the womb, where they were continually rocked, shushed and were never hungry or cold. It can be a more rocky adjustment for some babies more than others. Some babies are struggling with colic, reflux, or any other number of complications. Although soothing a baby and getting them to sleep may not come naturally, think of it as a skill! There are many techniques you can try until you find what works for you and your baby. This comprehensive guide will walk you through practical tips and insights to help your baby—and consequently, you— soothe and get a better night's rest.
Understand the Basics
First and foremost, it's essential to understand why babies become fussy. Often, fussiness is a baby's primary means of communication, signaling needs such as hunger, discomfort, fatigue, or the need for attention. Or, as I mentioned before, they may have something causing the fussiness like reflux. Deciphering these cues is the first step toward soothing them. It's also important to recognize that all babies are unique; what works for one may not work for another. Patience and perseverance in figuring out what works best for your baby are key.
Create a Soothing Environment
1. Dim the Lights: Soft, dim lighting can significantly help calm a fussy baby. Bright lights can be overstimulating, so opt for a warm, gentle glow in the nursery or wherever your baby sleeps. Some babies do better in a space that is completely blacked out.
2. Limit Noise: Try to keep the environment as calm and consistent as possible. Steady noises like white noise or a fan are helpful, while variable noises like a TV or music tend to be less helpful when it comes to soothing and falling asleep.
3. Optimize Comfort: Ensure your baby isn't too hot or too cold. Dress them in comfortable, breathable clothing and adjust the room temperature to be baby-friendly, typically between 68-72°F (20-22°C).
Establish a Routine
Routine is comforting for babies and can significantly aid in soothing them. A consistent bedtime routine might include a warm bath, a gentle massage with baby lotion, swaddling, and some quiet time together, such as reading a book or singing a lullaby. This predictability helps signal to your baby that it's time to wind down and prepare for sleep.
Soothing a Fussy Baby with Dr. Harvey Karp’s “5 S’s”
Dr. Harvey Karp wrote the book, “Happiest Baby on the Block.” In the book, he outlined the 5 soothing techniques that- when put together at the same time- can help babies feel soothed.
1. Swaddling: Swaddling mimics the snugness of the womb and can be incredibly comforting for newborns. Make sure you learn how to swaddle safely, ensuring your baby isn't too tight and that their hips can move freely.
2. Side/Stomach: Babies like to be on their sides or stomach. It mitigates their startle reflex and helps them feel more secure. While you cannot lay them down for sleep on their side or stomach for safety reasons, you can hold them on their side with their back against your stomach as you soothe them.
3. Shushing: Sounds that mimic the constant whooshing sound heard in the womb, such as white noise, a running fan, or even a vacuum cleaner, can help soothe a crying baby. You can also shush yourself or use a device like the Baby Shusher.
4. Rocking and Swinging: Gentle, rhythmic motions mimic the movement they felt in the womb. Rocking in a chair or using a baby swing can be very soothing for infants. Jiggling them very gently can also feel very soothing to some babies.
5. Sucking: For some babies, sucking on a pacifier can be incredibly calming. It satisfies their natural sucking reflex, which is comforting and soothing.
Feedings and Comfort
Ensuring your baby isn't hungry before trying to put them to sleep is crucial. A well-fed baby is more likely to fall asleep easier. However, avoid overfeeding as this can lead to discomfort. Burping your baby well to release any trapped air can also prevent discomfort and fussiness. In addition, feeding your baby 20-30 minutes before sleep can help with the reflux that commonly occurs in many young babies.
Watch for Overstimulation
Babies can become quickly overtired, leading to fussiness and difficulty sleeping. The most common issue I see with young babies is wake windows that are too long, leading to overstimulation. Their ideal wake window in the early weeks is typically just 45 minutes. Even at 4 months their wake window is just 2 hours max. Pay attention to your baby's cues. If they turn their head away, fuss, or cry during play or interaction, it might be time to wind down and prepare for sleep.
Patience and Flexibility
It's important to remember that what works one night may not work the next. Babies grow and change rapidly, and their sleep patterns can be unpredictable. What soothes them can also evolve. Being flexible and patient, while trying different techniques, will help you find the best way to soothe your baby to sleep.
The Bathroom Technique
Something that personally has worked for me when my babies have been hard to soothe is going into a small bathroom, in total darkness and with the fan on. I find that so much fussiness comes from overstimulation and in the dark with white noise is a break from the stimulation. Holding them with their head resting on my forearm and their back against my stomach and giving them a gentle jiggle, holding a pacifier in their mouth has been almost foolproof for me.
Giving Space
If you are struggling with a fussy baby who will not calm and will not fall asleep no matter what you try, it is absolutely, perfectly fine to swaddle or put them in their sleep sack, lay them down in their safe sleep space, and leave for a few moments. Sometimes, the lack of stimulation is all they need to settle themselves and fall asleep. And even if it doesn’t, it’s important as a parent if you feel yourself getting frustrated or upset to be able to take a breath. They are safe, and they will be okay for a few minutes. Too many parents are manipulated on social media and elsewhere to fear putting their babies down for even a moment, and sometimes it is exactly what is needed for both of you! Even good, loving parents can lose their temper with their children if they are exhausted and stressed enough, and it is better to proactively give yourself small breaks.
Seek Support
Lastly, remember that it's okay to ask for help. Whether it's a partner, family member, friend, or pediatrician, don't hesitate to seek support. Parenting is a journey, and it's always okay to ask for advice or take a break when needed.
In conclusion, soothing a fussy baby and encouraging sleep is a multifaceted challenge that requires patience, understanding, and a bit of trial and error. By creating a calming environment, establishing a routine, and using gentle soothing techniques, you can help your baby—and yourself—enjoy a peaceful night's sleep. Remember, every baby is different, and part of the journey is discovering what works best for your unique child.